It’s not all doom and gloom when you’re grieving the death of your child strangely enough there are lots of positives.
Appreciation
The main positive to come out of it is that you really appreciate the good in life and the usual things that would have brought you down really don’t matter anymore. So what you get a parking ticket, ladder your tights or forget to take an umbrella out with you, so you get drenched in that sudden rain shower.
All these things at one time would have stressed me out but now I simply shake things like that off, as in the grand scheme of things unless someone has died or been told they have something incurable then it isn’t really bad news compared to your child dying?
We’d happily give up anything to get our daughter back. If someone wanted me to sign over everything I own to live on the streets or to kill myself in order to get her back then I would do in a heartbeat.
Empathy
The only issue with not being as fazed with day-to-day incidents, is that it reduces my ability to sympathise or empathise with others. If someone has also lost a child, found out they have cancer or face losing a loved one then I know how to relate to them. I understand totally how to empathise with that situation. However if I meet someone who tells me what a nightmare week they have had because they broke a heel on their favourite pair of shoes, had something go wrong with a client at work or have a child that’s teething, then I really find it difficult to sympathise with this.
In fact it often irritates me and makes me annoyed that to some people this is the extent of their bad week. I would love for that to be the worst thing that has ever happened to me!
I feel myself having to practise saying “oh dear I’m sorry to hear that. Poor you” without sounding sarcastic; when I really want to say “pull yourself together”, “get a grip” and “worse things have happened, man up would you!” “You could be like me and have a child die now that’s a bad week!”
Drama queens
I find it so hard to tolerate drama queens too and we all know some. Where chipping their nail varnish is a disastrous day and their boyfriend or husband working late is a nightmare. I simply try to avoid these people now, as they have no idea about the normal world and yes there’s sometimes a sweet innocence about them that you have to love. Currently I find them so frustrating that I almost have to resist the urge to shake them.
So if you need a shoulder to cry on or a friendly ear for a “real” problem then I’m all ears with tea and sympathy but if your problem isn’t life threatening. If it has to do with not being able to find the right dress, then please forgive me if I don’t sound sincere when I say “poor you how awful”.
Love, Sarah x
Always Violet Skies
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I can’t say i’ve been there in the same situation but in my career as a midwife i’ve seen some incredibly upsetting things and helped families go through hell, so when I hear people complain about things that don’t really matter I don’t have much sympathy either! I find myself avoiding people who always complain X
Helen
Good glad it isn’t just me trying to side step negative people then! x