Happy 6th Birthday

Happy 6th Birthday to my darling girl; the girl who made me a mummy and taught me how to be strong, even when I don’t want to be.

Today you should be excitedly opening your birthday cards and presents before school.  Perhaps taking sweets or cake or fruit in for your classmates to enjoy whilst wearing your birthday girl badge.

We would have probably done you a birthday party in the back garden in the sunshine the weekend just gone. Some of your friends would have come that you have been friends with pretty much since birth, school friends too and also your amazing cousins.  I bet your baby sister would have had a meltdown because she wasn’t the centre of attention for once too.

I wonder what we would have bought you for your birthday?  Judging by your cousin who is seven now probably a new bike or perhaps you are still as musical as you were aged 15 months so maybe we got you a piano?  Your Aunty Kate would have made you the most amazing birthday cake too.

6th birthday cake Violet
6th birthday cake Violet

Anyway today we will do what we have done for the last 4 birthdays and we will take birthday balloons to your grave to say happy birthday to you darling girl.  This year we have sent beautiful wild flower bouquets to your Grandmothers to make them smile through their tears.

Last year we gave party bags to all of the people who have supported us since you passed with sweets, mini champers (you did like your bubbles although not the alcoholic kind) and uniquely thoughtful gifts for them to make them smile.

Random acts of kindness
Random acts of kindness

In the years before that we always did random acts of kindness on your birthday like taking balloons and sweets to the Children’s Hospital; delivering cakes and balloons to your old nursery and leaving token gifts of sweets all around the local area and park.  Alas once again for the second year we are scuppered by COVID19.  I will do some random acts of kindness in a different way so check back here to find out what they were as if I reveal all now well they won’t be random and a surprise will they?

Cakes at nursery for birthday
Cakes at nursery for birthday

As we always do we will donate money to various charities, including giving money for a little child your age to receive a school uniform and toys that their parents wouldn’t otherwise be able to afford.  We have renewed sponsorship of a little girl your age in Africa paying for her to complete her schooling.  We also renewed sponsorship of the elephants at Chester Zoo in memory of your favourite elephant toy.

Elephants at Chester Zoo
Violet’s elephants at Chester Zoo

Does anyone have any good ideas for something we can do this week?

I will also be starting the ball rolling to establish a charity in your honour to enable us to support many smaller causes and charities so we can help lots more people. It will also continue to build your legacy.

The Violet Ball September 2018
The Violet Ball September 2018

I hope we will make you proud little girl.  You had such a big heart, such an appetite for life and a calm wisdom about you that was so advanced for your years.

Your little sister I know misses you even though she never got to meet you.  She misses not having a sibling to share things with.  She adores her cousins and whenever they visit she loves spending time with them.  She shares her toys and games generously.  She loves other children so I know she would love you.

Violet at her first birthday party. She loved balloons! www.violet-skies.com
Violet at her first birthday party that was also our belated wedding reception with her friend Abby. She loved balloons! http://www.violet-skies.com

Both your dad and I miss you more than you can imagine.  We would do anything to have you back with us again.  To have you arguing and squabbling with your sister, to watch you teaching her how to do things and to listen as you read her stories.

Sending you so much love on your birthday and wishing we could cuddle you once more.

Love always

Mummy, Daddy, Arthur (who is with you) and your baby sister Aurora

(who sang Happy Birthday to your Nanna a few days ago).  xxx

Thanks for reading this and if you enjoyed it then please check out

My story

Lockdown 3.0

If you would like to donate to Violet’s fund at Alder Hey here’s the link to do so

 

Don’t survive thrive

So I have spent the last few years writing this blog about how to survive child loss and I’m pleased to say I have survived so far but then I saw the interview that HRH Meghan did when she was in Africa and still an HRH.  Something she said in that interview really resonated with me and don’t get me wrong I’m not a huge royalist fan at all although I did love Suits!

Meghan said in that interview –

“it is not enough to just survive something, that’s not the point of life. “You have got to thrive”

This resonated with me as I suddenly realised that I owe it to my daughters (one an angel and one very much alive and thriving) and son’s memory to not just survive but to thrive.

Over the past few years the notion of enjoying something or loving life felt abhorrent to me. How could I do that when my daughter and son are dead?  This abhorrent feeling has now been challenged by my rainbow baby who, as anyone who has met her will tell you, is larger than life and lights up a room as soon as she enters it; truly as her name means a Goddess of Light.  How can we not strive to now enjoy life with her? I know Violet would want her sister to have a wonderful life and for us to enjoy our time with her too.

Mummy-selfie-john-lewis-violet-skies
My why in John Lewis giving me the look that says “what are you doing mum”

Now my heart is finally fixed it is surely not enough for me to just survive life?

It made me think that the last few years have been about me working hard to continue on with life, to go through the motions and to try to rebuild my confidence, by to a certain extent, doing the same things I used to enjoy and have always loved doing.

I’ve re-evaluated a little now and thought about the things in my life that despite childloss I actually enjoy.  I love photography.  My hubby bought me a camera for Christmas after we lost Violet to try to encourage me to take photos of landscapes and architecture, which were something I enjoyed. Check out some of my photos in my gallery here.

Confidence loss is real after child loss.  A friend a few years ago suggested my photos were good enough to be exhibited (I laughed it off), another friend offered to display my photography for sale in a boutique hotel (again I laughed it off as felt it was certainly not that good) and then more recently another close friend and client suggested I really need to do something with my amazing photos.  Even just typing this now a little voice of the old me (pre-child loss) is screaming in my head “take every opportunity” as the old confident me used to seize every moment and opportunity that passed her way.

I suddenly realized and recognise that I need more confidence in my abilities again.  That I should invest more time in this hobby that I enjoy and that people seem to think I have a talent for.  I’m now doing a Diploma in Photography to improve my technique and confidence. Another friend has now offered to feature my work on the front covers of his magazines.  Wow just wow I’m blown away and for the first time I’m going to seize this opportunity rather than just brush it away as I have in the past.

Travel is another biggie for me.  I’m a travel PR at heart and I have a real passion for this industry.  A friend told me about a new type of business where you can qualify as an Independent Travel Agent working from home and fit the training in around your current lifestyle and work.  So I decided in my new “thrive” mindset to go for it so I have now qualified as an Independent Travel Agent and this I feel will be a game changer to my family’s long-term happiness.  We love to travel.  We don’t travel anywhere near as much as we did but I love travel.  I love talking about it.  I love planning it so why not utilize my passion to help others?

Mummy-Mangwhai-NZ-Violet-Skies lowres

We have family and friends all over the world so why should we not be able to earn commission whenever we travel to see them.  I love travel and have been to nearly every continent on earth so why should I not share my passion with others.  If I can help them to plan and book their dream trip then this is amazing.  If I can help them to do start this business too so they earn commission from their own travel also amazing. This is a business that neatly weaves in with my PR career and my photography passion too plus I get to take the family along for the ride.

I’m going to try to write a little more in my blog about motivation and health too as now my heart is fixed as I need to get active and back into shape again.  Don’t get me wrong I won’t be running any marathons anytime soon but would be good to get healthier.

Also going to continue to renovate our home hopefully to make it a nicer place for my daughter as she grows and my hubby.

I plan to work further on charitable causes too to build a legacy in my son’s memory so watch out for something happening Spring 2021!

Thought I’d post this cute video just because….

I’ve now had a spring clean of my life.  How about you what do you hope to change or build more of now spring is here?

If you want any advice or to share your hopes then I’d love for you to get in touch or post on here.

Big love

Sarah,

Always Violet Skies xx

If you’ve enjoyed reading this then you might also enjoy these posts –

Top tips for flying with your baby

Planning Travel and Adventure

Surviving childloss

My heart’s all fixed