Imagination

It may sound daft but sometimes when I get up in the morning and make a brew then sit down in my ever so quiet house to have breakfast, I like to imagine what the me in a parallel universe would be doing now.

If parallel universes exist that is, and I was never a huge fan of science fiction, but it’s one thing that gives me a strange comfort.  I like to think there’s a me out there that’s heavily sleep deprived, complaining to friends about her 2 year old daughter’s tantrums and how her newborn baby who doesn’t sleep keeps getting nappy rash!

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A mother & children on Essaouira beach, Morocco at sunset

The other me will be struggling to juggle the demands of motherhood with two children, work, a husband and trying to stay sane.  Her life would be crazy, noisy and sleep deprived but it will also be full of love.  However she doesn’t realise how truly lucky she is and stresses about how she’s concerned her children aren’t developing at a normal rate.  Are they eating enough? Are they growing?

This other parallel universe me has never had to face losing a child so she’s still full of the naive blind optimism I see in other women and people everyday.  The way I used to be. When bad things happened to other people not to you, and whilst you were concerned and saddened to hear of others bad luck, even raising money to support these people, never in a million years would you think it’d happen to you.  It gives me comfort to think there’s still an innocent me like that out there somewhere.

Anyway then I return back to my reality of being able to eat a quiet breakfast with only the demands on my time from a dog wanting a walk and of course that of my clients at work.  So begins another week for me…I hope you all have a good one!

Love

Sarah x

 

My Story

I am a proud and heart-broken mother to two angels.

My first born was a beautiful baby girl named Violet who beat all the odds after she had open heart surgery at just 4 days old at Alder Hey Hospital. She lived a full and happy life for 15 months until passing away suddenly at Manchester Children’s Hospital. We still don’t really know what happened and the coroner launched an inquest, as yet we have no hearing date and still no conclusion.

Swimming shot

My second angel was our rainbow baby Arthur who was born sleeping at 22 weeks, almost a year after Violet passed away, and he had severe brain abnormalities.  He gave us so much hope for the future and when we lost him in September 2017 we felt as though our hope for the future died with him.

Graves

It has been an extremely devastating and challenging few years for both me and my husband but despite all of this devastating news we still strive to make the most of our lives as we understand how fragile life is and how much our daughter Violet loved life. She wouldn’t want us to mope and suffer. We’ve learnt to be grateful for the 15 wonderful months we spent with her that we might not have had if it wasn’t for the top NHS heart surgeons and care at Alder Hey Hospital we had in the very beginning.  To them and especially top heart surgeon Mr Prem we will be eternally grateful.

A friend of mine suggested (over a year ago) I try to help others, giving advice and strategies for coping with loss. So this blog has been a long time coming but I have waited until I felt strong enough to share and it will detail the ways in which I have tried to deal with everything in case it might help someone else who has unfortunately found themselves in a similar situation.

It won’t all be heavy or emotional reading though as lots of my coping strategies include travel, eating amazing food and architecture/interior photography, so hopefully it will make enjoyable reading for those out there that are lucky enough not to be in a situation like mine. It will be full of photos showcasing some of the amazing places we have travelled to and the things we do in memory of our beautiful children.

I hope this site can give others inspiration and hope to overcome anything they are currently battling with in their lives.

Love & hugs,

Sarah