Tag: baby loss awareness month

Sue France on Rachel's beach

Sue’s story – Baby Loss Awareness Week

I lost my daughter to Cancer when she was 27 and it was over 20 years ago. However I share the same “what if she had lived?” feelings as any parent who has lost a child, whatever the age.

Rachel as a little girl
Rachel Sue’s daughter as a little girl aged 4

MEMORIES AND RITUALS

Memories and rituals are precious to me and were never more so than in lockdown.

My daughter loved Spain and a year before she passed away she had bought a holiday home near Puerto Banus . It was her wish for her ashes to be scattered from a speed boat just outside the harbour and this we duly did. We went out with her husband on quite a choppy sea and the ashes scattered behind us in the wind.

The beautiful Rachel France as an adult
The beautiful Rachel France as an adult

Every year since then I have travelled to Spain and thrown flowers in the sea and I was devastated when I couldn’t do that this year. I happened to mention this to a lady called Ali Meehan who runs a networking organisation for expat businesswomen. I had met Ali when I spoke at her International Women’s Day Conference in Marbella in 2018. She recalled that I had won a beautiful white orchid in her raffle and used some of its flowers as my sea throwing petals that year and this had stuck in her mind. During lockdown Ali and I had come together to hold joint zooms between her group and my group. I counted her as a friend but what she did next took my breath away. On Rachel’s birthday, she went to the beach at sunrise and as the sun came up over a beautiful sea she threw roses in the water for Rachel. She sent me a video of this and it will always be a special memory.

Petal scattering in the sea
Petal scattering in memory of Rachel in the sea

KINDNESS

This exquisite act of kindness made the world of difference to me and I urge any friends of parents who have lost babies to give them some thought this week too. I know we all often forget the birthdays of those children who belonged to our friends. Sometimes we are only reminded when we see a facebook post and then we quickly jump in and send our love and condolences. But this week if you could just contact your friend and send flowers or a card or even just a message, you have no idea how much it could mean.

Sue France on Rachel's beach
Sue France – as a child Rachel spent many happy summers on Welsh beaches too where this photo was taken

Sue France runs the popular networking group. Creative Connecting in Cheshire and she is Patron of the charity www.giftofawedding.org

If you would like to contact and engage with Sue then her instagram link is here.

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Me in Corfu September 2021 when we escaped 5 year anniversary of Violet dying

Child Loss Awareness Month & Baby Loss Awareness Week

Hi Folks

I hope you are all ok and have had a lovely weekend.  I haven’t posted on here for a while and I will go onto explain why including something very special that will begin tomorrow for the whole of this week.

Violet watching bubbles at her friend George's party. The last party she ever went to. Violet Skies
Violet watching bubbles at her friend George’s party. The last party she ever went to. Violet Skies

September

Those of you who have been following and reading my blog posts regularly will know that September is an especially hard month for us as our beloved daughter Violet died 5 years ago at the the end of the month and a year later her brother died on the 1st.  Usually I would have written lots of posts about it and the huge tidal wave of grief that hits me again every single year but this year I haven’t.  That doesn’t mean I wasn’t floored by it or that I didn’t find it hard.  I did.  I just decided I wouldn’t share it again on here as I felt I was simply repeating myself every year.

Violet and Arthur's Grave September 2021
Violet and Arthur’s Grave September 2021

escape

Luckily this September we managed to do the thing I love to do the most when I get hit by the wave of grief and that is to escape.  This year we escaped to Corfu and I spent Violet’s anniversary on a beautiful beach listening to the crashing of waves.  I even did an early morning yoga and meditation on the beach.  I really feel travel can be healing and a good way to do something positive for your spirit rather than being sat in what can feel like a groundhog day every year.

Me in Corfu September 2021
Me in Corfu September 2021 when we escaped 5 year anniversary of Violet dying

BABY LOSS AWARENESS WEEK

Anyway as we head now into Baby Loss Awareness week and October which is Child Loss Awareness month I still wanted to continue to talk openly about child loss and also to further conversations around the subject too.

Over the years this exclusive club I am a member of has introduced me to other fellow members who all like me didn’t ever choose to be here but like me have gone onto do some pretty amazing and special things in memory of their children’s legacies.  They also like me have chosen to openly talk about their children in the hope it helps others to do so too and that those who are outside our club can better understand what others are going through which can help to smash the taboo surrounding child and baby loss.

GUEST WRITERS

I am honoured that some of those I now have the privilege to call friends have agreed to share their stories over the next week on here.  These friends are all amazing, strong and phenomenally inspirational.  They all have lost their babies at differing ages and for different reasons so I will let them tell you in their own words starting from tomorrow.

I hope anyone who is going through any kind of loss at the moment is being kind to themselves and to all those who love them.  Reach out and send a quick message to someone you know who has suffered loss to simply say you are thinking of them.

Big love and hugs to you all

Always Violet Skies

Sarah x

 

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November at last!

November is here at last and I say that not because it is a favourite month but just because October is finally over.  This year it was particularly tough.

October

I was supposed to be visiting Lisbon last week for my mum’s birthday treat but had to pull out and left her with my sister as my little rainbow baby was poorly so I couldn’t leave her at all.  The illness of my daughter combined with Baby Loss Awareness Month was the main reason October was super stressful and a tough month for us.

For-the-rest-of-my-life-I-will-search-for-moments-of-you4-violet-skies.png

A poorly rainbow

Our rainbow baby was the same age as Violet was when she died and she contracted pneumonia twice, which was exactly what happened to Violet before she was admitted to hospital never to return.  This is why this past month has been so fraught for us resulting in hardly any sleep; stress levels beyond belief, emotional meltdowns on a frequent basis and the consumption of a vast amount of comfort food/drink on a regular basis.

Violet-in-manchester-childrens-hospital-on-26th-Sept-2016-violet-skies
Our fear – this was Violet the morning she died.

Expert jugglers

We also managed to still juggle work commitments, the organisation of a surprise birthday party for my mum and even had a drink out baby free for an hour or so for a friends birthday before hot footing it back to soothe a poorly baby.

Update

Health wise my daughter is luckily recovering well but we’ve decided to keep her away from nursery until the new year at the earliest to allow her lungs to fully recover and to ensure her immune system is back to full strength too.  We will continue to juggle work commitments and childcare thanks to the support from family and friends.  There’s no way we will risk losing this little girl too.

New parenting territory

It sounds strange but today I feel a little relieved because yesterday our rainbow reached the exact same age Violet was when she died so today she has surpassed her sister’s age by one day.  It makes no logical sense why I feel relief at this but my stress has lifted slightly.

Is this normal with rainbow babies?  Anyone else feel this way too?  Or am I just odd?  Please let me know.

So now we’re on totally new parenting territory as we have the oldest living child we have ever had and it’s all fresh new sailing for us from now on.

Hope you’re having a great start to your month!

Love

Sarah x

Always Violet Skies

You might find these blog posts interesting –

My story

Four years a mother

Once you’ve got your rainbow

Mothering after loss

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