I lost my daughter to Cancer when she was 27 and it was over 20 years ago. However I share the same “what if she had lived?” feelings as any parent who has lost a child, whatever the age.
MEMORIES AND RITUALS
Memories and rituals are precious to me and were never more so than in lockdown.
My daughter loved Spain and a year before she passed away she had bought a holiday home near Puerto Banus . It was her wish for her ashes to be scattered from a speed boat just outside the harbour and this we duly did. We went out with her husband on quite a choppy sea and the ashes scattered behind us in the wind.
Every year since then I have travelled to Spain and thrown flowers in the sea and I was devastated when I couldn’t do that this year. I happened to mention this to a lady called Ali Meehan who runs a networking organisation for expat businesswomen. I had met Ali when I spoke at her International Women’s Day Conference in Marbella in 2018. She recalled that I had won a beautiful white orchid in her raffle and used some of its flowers as my sea throwing petals that year and this had stuck in her mind. During lockdown Ali and I had come together to hold joint zooms between her group and my group. I counted her as a friend but what she did next took my breath away. On Rachel’s birthday, she went to the beach at sunrise and as the sun came up over a beautiful sea she threw roses in the water for Rachel. She sent me a video of this and it will always be a special memory.
This exquisite act of kindness made the world of difference to me and I urge any friends of parents who have lost babies to give them some thought this week too. I know we all often forget the birthdays of those children who belonged to our friends. Sometimes we are only reminded when we see a facebook post and then we quickly jump in and send our love and condolences. But this week if you could just contact your friend and send flowers or a card or even just a message, you have no idea how much it could mean.
Sue France runs the popular networking group. Creative Connecting in Cheshire and she is Patron of the charity www.giftofawedding.org
If you would like to contact and engage with Sue then her instagram link is here.