This was the best kept secret, until recently, as anyone can testify if they have bumped into me. At 34 weeks pregnant with my third pregnancy I’m now pretty big.
Not very honest
Those of you who regularly read my blog you will know that I like to write in a very honest and frank way. I apologise if I haven’t been forthcoming about this massive development in my life. I hope that after reading this post you can understand why.
We were lucky enough to fall pregnant again with our second rainbow pretty soon after the loss of our baby Arthur. Unfortunately were told that there would be a 50/50 chance of the new baby having similar brain issues, as it’s older brother. We wouldn’t know if it had these issues until the 20 week scan. So we would have to wait 5 months until we knew if our pregnancy would be viable or not.
In the meantime we were of course offered additional scans so we had one at 7 weeks, 12 weeks and another at 16 weeks where they checked baby’s heart. At the 16-week check we discovered that unlike Violet’s heart the new baby’s heart was perfectly formed. We had received this news about Arthur’s heart at 16-weeks too. So although it was good news we weren’t celebrating yet.
I remember after our 16-week scan with Arthur we had been so happy that his heart was ok. We felt so lucky, relieved and excited we told friends and family we were pregnant. Everyone of course was delighted for us, especially after the loss of Violet. Then after Arthur’s 20-week scan we got the devastating news about his severe brain condition and our entire world collapsed.
Kept this one quiet
For this very reason we refrained from telling our close friends about the new pregnancy until after our 20 week scan. This scan turned out to be the very first 20 week scan we have ever had that hasn’t resulted in us being pulled into a separate room. To be spoken to by specialists and midwife counsellors. The first 20-week scan we have had that hasn’t resulted in us having to have a second follow up scan with a more senior specialist a week later.
So when the two specialists that performed our 20-week scan told us the baby was perfectly healthy we didn’t know what to say. We were in total shock. We were asked if we had any questions and all we could think of was “what do we do now?” We were told we could leave and come back for another scan with a specialist at 28 weeks.
Since then we have been waiting for a phone call or letter from the hospital to say that they are sorry but they have made a mistake. We had the second specialist scan at 28 weeks and again we prepared ourselves for the knock out punch. That didn’t come, again we were given positive news. To anyone reading this we must sound ungrateful. We were just so used to being given bad news whether it was devastating or minor bad news that we almost couldn’t believe what we were hearing.
We currently have a minimum of one baby or pregnancy related appointment each week. Either to monitor my heart (as I have an ASD see my post about a broken heart). To check baby’s growth (the amazing Tommy’s clinic gives us a scan every 3 weeks). Child loss counseling or midwife appointments. I’m under so many different departments and teams that we have gone from having an horrendous level of obstetric care when we had Violet to now having lots of specialists who all know who we are and will give us priority level care. The NHS now feels like it is working for us!
Trying to be hopeful
I’ve recently been to a few different Manchester events and I’ve bumped into so many people now that I think most know about our impending arrival. People constantly ask me whether I’m excited about the new baby. The truthful answer is simply that I will be relieved when baby is here safe and well, when I can see with my own eyes. Until then I can only try to be hopeful for the future.
Thanks for reading.
Always Violet Skies x