Happy 6th Birthday

Happy 6th Birthday to my darling girl; the girl who made me a mummy and taught me how to be strong, even when I don’t want to be.

Today you should be excitedly opening your birthday cards and presents before school.  Perhaps taking sweets or cake or fruit in for your classmates to enjoy whilst wearing your birthday girl badge.

We would have probably done you a birthday party in the back garden in the sunshine the weekend just gone. Some of your friends would have come that you have been friends with pretty much since birth, school friends too and also your amazing cousins.  I bet your baby sister would have had a meltdown because she wasn’t the centre of attention for once too.

I wonder what we would have bought you for your birthday?  Judging by your cousin who is seven now probably a new bike or perhaps you are still as musical as you were aged 15 months so maybe we got you a piano?  Your Aunty Kate would have made you the most amazing birthday cake too.

6th birthday cake Violet
6th birthday cake Violet

Anyway today we will do what we have done for the last 4 birthdays and we will take birthday balloons to your grave to say happy birthday to you darling girl.  This year we have sent beautiful wild flower bouquets to your Grandmothers to make them smile through their tears.

Last year we gave party bags to all of the people who have supported us since you passed with sweets, mini champers (you did like your bubbles although not the alcoholic kind) and uniquely thoughtful gifts for them to make them smile.

Random acts of kindness
Random acts of kindness

In the years before that we always did random acts of kindness on your birthday like taking balloons and sweets to the Children’s Hospital; delivering cakes and balloons to your old nursery and leaving token gifts of sweets all around the local area and park.  Alas once again for the second year we are scuppered by COVID19.  I will do some random acts of kindness in a different way so check back here to find out what they were as if I reveal all now well they won’t be random and a surprise will they?

Cakes at nursery for birthday
Cakes at nursery for birthday

As we always do we will donate money to various charities, including giving money for a little child your age to receive a school uniform and toys that their parents wouldn’t otherwise be able to afford.  We have renewed sponsorship of a little girl your age in Africa paying for her to complete her schooling.  We also renewed sponsorship of the elephants at Chester Zoo in memory of your favourite elephant toy.

Elephants at Chester Zoo
Violet’s elephants at Chester Zoo

Does anyone have any good ideas for something we can do this week?

I will also be starting the ball rolling to establish a charity in your honour to enable us to support many smaller causes and charities so we can help lots more people. It will also continue to build your legacy.

The Violet Ball September 2018
The Violet Ball September 2018

I hope we will make you proud little girl.  You had such a big heart, such an appetite for life and a calm wisdom about you that was so advanced for your years.

Your little sister I know misses you even though she never got to meet you.  She misses not having a sibling to share things with.  She adores her cousins and whenever they visit she loves spending time with them.  She shares her toys and games generously.  She loves other children so I know she would love you.

Violet at her first birthday party. She loved balloons! www.violet-skies.com
Violet at her first birthday party that was also our belated wedding reception with her friend Abby. She loved balloons! http://www.violet-skies.com

Both your dad and I miss you more than you can imagine.  We would do anything to have you back with us again.  To have you arguing and squabbling with your sister, to watch you teaching her how to do things and to listen as you read her stories.

Sending you so much love on your birthday and wishing we could cuddle you once more.

Love always

Mummy, Daddy, Arthur (who is with you) and your baby sister Aurora

(who sang Happy Birthday to your Nanna a few days ago).  xxx

Thanks for reading this and if you enjoyed it then please check out

My story

Lockdown 3.0

If you would like to donate to Violet’s fund at Alder Hey here’s the link to do so

 

Lockdown 3.0

How are you all coping in Lockdown 3.0?

Last March when COVID hit I lost all my consultancy clients overnight.  They were airlines, hospitality and theatre industry companies.

How have I survived?

When people ask me how I’ve survived losing all my travel and hospitality consultancy clients overnight back in March. I tell them this…

I’ve been through the worst loss ever already losing my daughter 4 years ago and again losing my son 3 years ago. Everything is comparable on what you have experienced before and sadly I have been through much much worse regards loss so yes it did flaw me for a little while because I love my clients and seeing them suffer upsets me. Seeing those I love and care about poorly or suffering through lack of employment upsets me.  Having the way I coping with my grief removed threw me off kilter.

Me and Aurora in Sydney Australia
Me and Aurora in Sydney Australia.

I’m lucky that financially we have been able to survive thanks to my savings from previous hard work over many years, the government support and my husband. I know we are fortunate with this.

My real struggle

My anxiety about my surviving daughter getting sick and dying from COVID was the thing that flawed me. I have worked hard on dealing with this ever since. This is the reason some friends may feel I haven’t been in touch with them that much this past year. I have had to switch myself off from a lot of the negative worry and messaging around COVID. Combine that with having to shield last March because of a recent heart operation too and you can hopefully understand why I have had to be distant.

Aurora sleeping during the 1st lockdown
Aurora sleeping during the 1st lockdown. Our rainbow child. Our everything.

Friends

I was also conscious that if friends were already struggling with lockdown and their own issues with depression then they certainly didn’t need me offloading onto them too or (as some friends have said previously) make them feel bad or guilty for their moans that they feel seem insignificant compared to mine.  In this global pandemic I didn’t want to make anyone feel any worse than they already did and everything is relative to you too.

i don’t do waiting…

As anyone who knows me will testify I don’t rest on my laurels!

I’ve spent my time up skilling and investing my time into my own travel business, that’s incidentally doing very well despite the pandemic.   My travel business is named Sarah Stephens Escapes because travel was the very thing that saved me after we lost Violet we “escaped” a lot and I learned how healing and therapeutic travel can actually be.  When I lost my clients in March 2020 I decided to embrace what I knew and what had saved me back then. I am so glad I did as it has helped me to remain positive throughout the majority of the pandemic and even though I can’t travel or as escape as much as I would like to I get to life vicariously through my clients.  I discovered I enjoy planning holidays for others as much as I do my own trips.

Sarah Stephens Escapes
www.sarahstephensescapes.com

I’m also back doing PR consultancy again and training/coaching others that I love too.

charity

Watch this space too as I have epic plans underway on the charity front to continue to build Violet’s legacy further and big plans for this blog to evolve too.  I have been busy in the last year…

The Violet Ball September 2018
The Violet Ball September 2018

JANUARY STRUGGLES

Sorry for the lack of posts in January (until now) as some of you may know the end of December and start of January is always hard for me as Arthur’s due date was 7th January so his birthday should have been around this period.  Always a tough time for me but this year made worse with the pandemic and friends sadly losing loved ones too.

HOPE AND KINDNESS

There is hope out there people please try to stay positive and to cling onto any glimmer of light you can find.  Another friends little boy was on the heart transplant list and fortunately some parents in their darkest hour agreed to donate their own child’s heart.  These kind and amazing souls may have saved the life of an spectacularly brave little 5 year old boy who has already, with his legendary mum, done so much good for the world.  Kindness still exists people so please continue to believe in the good out there and that this will prevail.

Event the darkest night ends
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise

Big hugs, stay safe,

Love

Sarah x

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Santa and the Angel

A wonderful friend shared this today and it made me cry so I thought I would share on here. Unsure where is originally came from in order to credit so if it is yours then please let me know and I will add a credit on here.
Christmas grave 2019
Christmas grave 2019
“It was the night before Christmas and Santa was busy making his rounds
He was light on his feet making sure he didn’t make a sound.
But he took notice that some homes didn’t have that Christmas Glee.
so he decided to stop because he thought that just can’t be.
He crept in a mommy’s bedroom and stopped dead in his steps, as he saw a little angel hugging his mom as she slept.
The little angel looked up and cried ” oh Santa you are finally here!!
I’ve been waiting for you to help me let Mommy know I am near”.
Santa picked up the wee angel and asked him ” What can I do? I’m just a simple toy maker I can’t make your mommy’s dreams come true”.
So the two of them sat and they sat for a while until the tiny angel jumped up and screamed with a smile.
“let’s leave her a sign a beautiful sign from above,
let her know it’s from me sent from heaven with love”!!!
So Santa dug and he dug deep, in that big glorious bag that was filled with lots of treats .
He pulled out a beautiful white feather that look like it was made out of snow.
And he thought such a beautiful sign that only a grieving mother would know.
He placed it on her nightstand and kissed the angel on his head.
Then placed him next to his mom as she slumbered in bed.
I think I’ll stay here with Mommy and visit her in her dreams tonight,
She misses me dearly and needs to know I’m all right.
Santa made his way to his sled, And wiped a tear from his eye.
He fell to his knees and managed to cry.
Merry Christmas to all the grieving mothers across this big land.
And let it be known your angels are with you holding your hands….”
Written by Joe’s mommy
Me with Violet Christmas 2015
Me with Violet Christmas 2015

The “Royal” Baby

I have delayed posting or commenting anything about the heartbreaking story of the loss of Meghan and Harry’s baby.

Was it royal?

There is a lot of debate as always in the media and online about whether it was or wasn’t a “Royal baby”.  Well to be frank who cares if it was royal or not it was still the loss of a poor baby; someone’s baby; Meghan and Harry’s baby and Archie’s kid brother or sister.  It is sad to hear of the loss of any child and it is equally sad to see they haven’t had any family support (that we can see publicly) from the Windsor side anyway.

Support

The lack of support and understanding for child loss is palpable.  It is a shame that the official stance from the Royal family was to refuse comment and to keep it as a private matter, when clearly the taboo of child loss does need to be spoken about rather than a continued adoption of the English way of pretending nothing has happened and simply moving on.

I am hoping that privately the Windsor’s have reached out, especially to Harry.  For a dad it can often be even worse support wise than it can for mothers of loss. I would imagine Harry could really use some support from his father and brother at this time. I hope privately that they have reached out to him and that he has had this.

MORE COMMON THAN YOU THINK

Meghan said in the eloquent column she wrote for the New York Times.

“I discovered that in a room of 100 women, 10 to 20 of them will have suffered from miscarriage. Yet despite the staggering commonality of this pain, the conversation remains taboo, riddled with (unwarranted) shame, and perpetuating a cycle of solitary mourning.”

Violet and Arthur’s grave this summer

‘She asks “Are we ok?” This is the question that all child loss sufferers need to be asked and we need to feel we can escape from the traditional English response of “I’m fine” or “I’m OK” to be more honest with our feelings in order to encourage others that it is ok to do so too.

FIRST CHRISSY THEN MEGHAN

Meghan and indeed Chrissy Teigen earlier in the year were both criticized for their honesty and openness around the loss of their children when in fact they should be praised for it (as well as given love and support).  They are doing a great service to the child loss community.  It is an exclusive club that no one wants membership of and lots don’t feel they can admit they are members of it either so the more celebrities open up discussions about the subject then the better the fuel to help rid us of this awful taboo.  By enabling people to talk about Meghan or Chrissy rather than themselves it enables greater dialogue around the subject avoiding the fear of offending a friend or loved one.

From @chrissyteigen instagram

NEW YORK TIMES

If you want to read Meghan’s article in the New York Times here’s a link to it.  Thank you to Meghan and Chrissy for sharing their pain with us to help others to speak out too.

I had a new business meeting today and mentioned Violet Skies in it.  The lady I was chatting to then opened up that she had lost two children herself too and praised the fact collectively we are helping to encourage dialogue around the subject.

So let’s get talking about it.  Why not be open about it?  Let’s ask “How are you today?” and  “Are you ok?” genuinely ready for an answer that doesn’t include the word “fine”.

Please let me know what you think as always and if you can share that would be amazing too.

Lots of love

Sarah x

Always Violet Skies

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There’s a baby in our house

Lots of Aurora’s friends are now getting to the age where little brothers and sisters are arriving. She has been obsessed with babies for the last 6 months but now seems to notice and comment on photographs more than before.

The photographs she comments on are those of her big sister who technically should be older than she is now at age 5 but of course she died at 15 months so will be a baby forever. Aurora is finding it a hard concept to understand. She understands when she points at photos of my niece as a baby and I can say that was what she was like as a baby because she knows her as an older girl now.

There's a baby in the house
There’s a baby in the house

When she points to say “my baby” at photos of Violet, because in the photos she is indeed a baby compared to 2 year old Aurora, and we say that’s your big sister Violet she looks very confused.

There's a baby in the house
There’s a baby in the house

Today in the park she met her nursery friend Erin who was there with her new baby sister & on the way home she said my baby sister & I said yes you have a big sister who’s a baby. Even I’m confused goodness help a 2 year old!

Newborn Aurora
Newborn Aurora at a Neighbours House

Any advice as to what we say to her so she understands better?

The unknown challenges you face with a rainbow toddler.  Please let me know if you’ve been through anything similar.

Always Violet Skies,

Love Sarah xx

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Strange times

Well what a weird year this one has been. Even September feels a little different than usual because we are unable to have people round to the house & with a little one entertaining at home is what we do really so that’s out then. Our fire pit & BBQ haven’t had that much use this year.

The first of many Violet skies this September

I used to love this time of the year being a nerd at school I loved going back for challenging new lessons, my new notebooks & stationery. I try to embrace these old memories of September by learning new things & treating myself to new stationery too.

In recent years September has always been a tough month for us. The beginning of the month saw us saying goodbye to our little rainbow boy Arthur (read more about him here), the middle of September saw us spend a few weeks in the children’s hospital with Violet & then the end of the month was when she sadly died.

Usually at the end of September we try to escape on holiday somewhere to try to take our minds off it but for obvious reasons we won’t be going overseas for sunshine this year.  Not because I am fearful of my own safety I should add but more because we aren’t willing to take any risks with the health of our rainbow toddler no matter how slight they may be.

I recently heard something an amazing man called Les Brown said that resonated with me so wanted to share.

He said “I’m not going to let adversity define who I am and how I show up. It shows you who you are. It will either make you or break you.”

I really resonated with this. Yes I have been through adversity but I’m not going to let it define who I am. Yes it has changed me and made me see the world differently but it will not stop me from being me.

Stunning violet bush in Alexandra Park Manchester. All the little things remind me of Violet.

What about you? What resonates with you?

It’s a great time for reflection.

Are you back to school? What do you like about September?

Love Sarah

Always Violet Skies xxx

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Give yourself a break

Recently I’ve been beating myself up about putting on weight during lockdown and the fact I’ve not exercised a huge amount. My body isn’t how I’d like it to be. My heart is now fixed so there’s no physical reason for not doing more exercise.

Metabolism

My fixed heart now seems to have slowed my metabolism down because it is working more efficiently so I seem to be burning less calories – typical hey?  Anyway I was moaning the other day to a friend and she reminded me that I have actually had 3 pregnancies/babies in 5 years which is quite a lot and a huge impact on your body. Add into that that I’ve also had and recovered from heart surgery after having a titanium device fitted inside it.

pregnant-sunshine-dexter-violet-skies
My third pregnancy, living in a building site during one of the hottest summers on record

Looking back over 5 years

I had a very traumatic birth with my first baby Violet who was undiagnosed breach resulting in me being rushed into surgery shortly after the birth. She was blue lighted to Alder Hey in Liverpool where she underwent heart surgery at 4 days old. She survived that luckily and we took her home 10 days later with major chest wounds weighing less than 5 pounds. Anyone who has had a prem baby will understand the additional challenges with caring for a baby so small.

Childloss x 2

Then I’ve also had the trauma of losing two children. First Violet at 15 months old then my second baby Arthur. With Arthur we had to face the near impossible decision of a termination for medical reasons after hearing at his 20 week scan that his brain hadn’t developed at all and in fact was just fluid. We said goodbye to him at 22 weeks and he was stillborn.

Cemetery-July-2020
Violet and Arthur’s Grave Summer 2020

We’ve then undergone a horrendous inquest hearing for Violets loss almost 2 years after she died having to relive every moment of it and I did that whilst heavily pregnant with Aurora my third baby.

Third pregnancy

I faced the additional stress of a rainbow pregnancy following those two losses whilst rehabilitating a German Shepherd and project managing a home extension that we lived in throughout too. All while still working as a PR consultant too.

Kitchen-Dexter-Renovation-Violet-Skies
Exactly 2 years ago today this is what our house looked like

Child with special needs

After Aurora was born we discovered she was deaf and so are now adjusting to raising a deaf child. She also doesn’t sleep so 2 years in we’ve had to adapt to only 4-5hours sleep maximum a night on a good day.

Other minor things

In the last 5 years of my life I’ve also gotten married, travelled round the planet twice, raised over £50k for Alder Hey hospital, had heart surgery and most recently a cancer scare (luckily now confirmed as nothing to worry about).

The-Violet-Ball-September-2018-violet-skies

Work wise

I also started this child loss blog to help others out there and to try to raise more awareness of the issues faced. I’ve started lecturing in marketing at university, launched a new travel business and also made more of my love for photography by studying for a diploma in it. Now with covid changing the landscape of my career in travel and hospitality PR too. Grounding airlines and closing bars/restaurants. The working me has seen a huge shift in my outlook and what I do.

I’d say that’s quite a lot in 5 years wouldn’t you? So you know what? I’m going to give myself a bloody break and a pat on the back for still being relatively sane. So what if I’ve put some weight on. I’m not going to stress about that at all and in the grand scheme of things now with covid challenges too who cares?

Make a list people

So my word of advice to anyone out there is to make a list of all the things you have faced, overcome, survived and achieved in the last 5 years. I bet like me you’ll be surprised and so try to recognise what you have actually done rather than beat yourself up because of a saggy tummy, grey hairs and wrinkles. See how amazing you actually are to have got to where you are today.  What have you done, over come and experienced in the last 5 years?

Appreciate the now

I did think about doing a list for the last 18 years but that just made me feel very old and exhausted 😂maybe I will write a memoir someday to share the full story and it’ll be perfect bedtime reading (to send you all to sleep or you will think it is fiction).

Big love to you all and thanks for reading

Love sarah

Always violet skies xx

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Lost mojo & a birthday or two

I’ve not written a blog post for a fair few weeks (well over a month!) because to be honest I just couldn’t be bothered.

I wondered if anyone was actually reading these and so whether I should continue or not.

 

Feedback

Then I did a few extremely honest captions on instagram and got a fair few comments back from people telling me thank you, as what I said really resonated with them too. Someone also thanked me for making them feel less alone and that they reached out to find my blog when they were at their lowest ebb.  That my blog showed them they could move on too and that there was a glimmer of hope at the end of the apocalypse that is child loss.

I’m back… did you miss me? (don’t answer that!)

So I am back again with my ramblings and I hope you will find them insightful.  I’m also going to re-jig my website a little over the coming months so posts are easier to search for and to find.

I know a fair few of us have found the last 3 months especially difficult as we adjust to a new way of life, perhaps facing new financial pressures leading to a change of outlook, lifestyle or having to rethink career or business goals.

I have tried my hardest to be positive about the situation even though work dried up, my birthday was in lockdown and we spent the majority of 3 months isolating to keep our toddler safe.

Drinking-wine-lockdown-violet-skies
Anyone else enjoy a glass of wine in lockdown?

I volunteered my time to help the lonely elderly by making regular phone calls to them to give them a caring ear and someone who cared.  I also gave some of my PR assistance for free to help charities out including setting up one to help benefit those struggling from lockdown who are self-employed missing out on government support.

Missing family and friends I found hard along with valuable social interaction for the greater good.

Lockdown easing

Now as lockdown eases a little, we have decided to venture out more to open spaces, parks and to meet friends and family, observing social distancing of course. This I find really does help my mood and improves perspective too.

Etherowpark-2020-violet-skies
Etherow country park -Summer 2020

I do feel as though I’ve also been a crap friend too over the last 3 months as I’ve been struggling somewhat but hope to make it up to you all during the rest of the year.

5th Birthday

I’m thankful that lockdown had eased as this week it was Violet’s 5thbirthday, meaning that we could visit her grave and even more lovely was the fact that Chester Zoo reopened on her birthday.  We sponsor the elephants there in her memory so like to visit them to remember her and this we got to do yesterday.  It helped to make a very painful day a little brighter.

Anger

I still find I have a great deal of anger at the world because of Violet’s loss and my soul aches as though part of it has been ripped away.

I often think about what she would have been like as a 5 year old.  What would she look like and sound like?  What would she enjoy doing?  How would she be?

What-would-she-be-like-at-5-violet-skies
Would this be what Violet & Aurora would be like if she was here?

Positive things

I try to focus on the positives and doing good deeds for others to try to spread the joy that Violet embodied.  She brought a calm stillness to those she met like a master of Zen, pretty rare in a baby.

We are paying for a 5 year olds school uniform in Violet’s memory to help a family who are struggling.  I have also made up little party bags that will be delivered to friends this week to hopefully make them smile and spread some joy.  Once again we have renewed sponsorship of the elephants at the zoo too.  Some kind people have also donated to her fund so Alder Hey will once again benefit from Violet’s legacy.

Memories

It was lovely that quite a few friends and family remembered Violet on her birthday, surprisingly lots of people who never met her sent messages of support and even flowers.

Happy-5th-birthday-violet-skies
Violet’s 5th birthday graveside 

I do find it additionally upsetting & heartbreaking though that lots of people who did know her very well didn’t remember or acknowledge her birthday. This makes it all the more painful for us.

At the end of the day the greatest comfort you can give to the parent of loss is to remember and talk about their child especially on their birthday.

Failing as a mum of loss

My mission as a mum of loss is to try to keep her memory alive and when those who were close to her fail to remember she existed I feel as though I am failing as her mother.

Please remember this with anyone in your life that has suffered the loss of a child or a spouse or sibling.  A simple text message can mean the world to them.  They want more than anything to bring their loved one back and one way to do this is via memories so help them to remember the positives.

Remember this

I’ve been watching comedy to take my mind off things and this I thought was quite poignant by Jason Manford

“Just because you’re struggling it doesn’t mean you are failing”  I will try to remember this.

Take care and spread the love if you can

Love

Sarah

Always Violet Skies

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Low risk isn’t no risk

A friend of mine recently asked if I had been sent a letter saying I was high risk because I was self isolating from the start 5 weeks ago. I haven’t. Officially I am classed as low risk despite having a heart operation at the end of last year. My daughter who also has a congenital heart issues is classed as low risk too.

Regardless we have been isolating to the maximum for the last 5 weeks and will continue to do so.

colshawhall-lake-cheshire-violet-skies
Calm and still yet stormy – The lake at Colshaw Hall, Cheshire

Medical “experts”

I was told once before by medical “experts” that a daughter of mine should be treated as normal and wasn’t at increased risk of anything. She wouldn’t have any more reason to die than anyone else.  She died of the very thing they said not to worry about and the coroner said she has been at a greater compounded risk, so forgive me if I don’t trust the medical “experts” now especially given this is a new situation and a new virus they don’t really understand.

Make a mistake once…

and it becomes a lesson.  Make the same mistake twice and it becomes a choice.

My mistake was believing the medical experts when they said to treat my heart baby as a normal child.  She wasn’t a normal child.

Aurora-sleeping-21months-violet-skies
A Sleeping Aurora at 21 months

Not no risk

I’ve suffered the pain of losing not one but two children, so forgive me if I don’t want to risk losing another even if that risk is a low one.

Low risk means there is still a risk it’s not a no risk situation.   No one is at no risk of the corona virus remember that.

Is any risk worth it really?

What do you think?

Are you willing to gamble with these very high stakes?  I am not.

Stay safe everyone.  Hold your nearest and dearest close.

Big hugs

Sarah xx

Always Violet Skies

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Lonely child

It makes me sad during this time of isolation that my little bubbly outgoing sociable girl often seems lonely desperate for the company of other children. Yes she has me and her dad with her but it isn’t the same as someone a similar age.

Aurora-at-door-nursery-bag-violet-skies
At the door with her nursery bag wanting to leave to see her friends

Waves excitedly

When she sees other children going passed our house on their bikes on the way to the park for their exercise or animatedly chatting holding hands she bangs on the window waving to them shouting hello. She wonders why these children are allowed to play together but she cannot join them.

It’s hard to explain to an almost two year old that those children are siblings so they are allowed to play together and visit the park with each other.

She should have a big sister

It makes me so sad because by rights she should have an older sister to play with. A big sister to run around the garden with and who would be able to relate a little more to her, rather than the two adults she finds herself spending 100% of her time with.

Violet would have been able to look at books with her, play on the slide in the garden and they could have sat together to create sculptural masterpieces from play doh.  Even just lounged together on their giant unicorn to watch TV.

Don’t get me wrong I grew up with siblings myself so understand all about the arguments but you know what I would like to have to break up those fights and solve the disputes rather than try to cure lone tantrums about wanting to see others.

brother-sister-cousins-violet-skies
Two of Aurora’s four cousins who she is missing at the moment.

Until now whenever I’ve gotten upset about her not having her sister here to play with I’ve taken comfort from the fact she has cousins she’s close to that she can grow up with. This current situation that stops her from seeing her cousins and indeed her friends reminds me how alone she really is.  I was lucky enough to grow up with a brother and a sister.

Facetime

Yes we can video call but she’s not overly interested in that. If we show her videos of her friends and cousins she watches them over and over finally tantruming when we stop her watching for the 100th time.

After seeing friends from a distance waving & chatting to them from the end of the driveway or over the fence she then has a tantrum because she’s not allowed to play with them. She’s even gotten her nursery bag taking it to the front door in an attempt to leave to go play with other children.

Adverse affects?

I fear that when this is all over our vivacious little girl might be a shy and reserved wallflower who has forgotten how to interact with her peers or other children.

Fun-in-garden-violet-skies
Playing in the garden

A close friend of mine who grew up as an only child once told me she wanted to have more than one child as growing up as she dreamed of having a sibling to play with. She said she used to feel envious watching me with my brother and sister wishing she could have the same.  I never really understood what she meant until now.

A new kind of grief

Watching my little girl cry and sob and tantrum because she wants to play with the children going passed our house breaks my heart.  Even more so that by rights she should have at least a big sister with her right now and actually she is the youngest of three.

Bottomlip-violet-skies
Sad in her pushchair as she watches siblings play and is told she can’t join them

It breaks my heart it really does.  It also reminds me of the difficult conversations that are coming in the future when she wants to know why she’s an only child and what happened to her older sister and brother.

Not alone

I recently came across someone else on instagram who is going through a very similar thing with their daughter and the isolation situation so I thought it was important to share this in case it might help even more out there to know they aren’t alone in this.

 

Big love

 

Sarah

Always Violet Skies

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